Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Why Are Atheists so Dumb and Stupid, and They're Dumb Ignorant Smelly Faces are Dumb as a Butt?

Yeesh! I Googled "the cowardly atheist" and was greeted with, not references to my own blog, but with the same Christian love and humility one might expect from a race of people who truly believe God made everything for them. The title for this post is a slightly exaggerated summation of the links pulled up by Google.

Folks of the religious persuasion have the deepest and sincerest belief that they themselves are the epitome of humility and servitude; courage and righteousness; intelligence and certainty. Who am I, a lowly atheist shit-on, to argue? These same folks aspire to paint atheists as angry, indignant, cowardly, godless whores who feed from the bottom of the stagnant shallow ponds of humanities' intellectual wasteland; Just because we have the pompous arrogance to say we are infinitesimally small in a universe that is immensely huge; that we don't have all the answers, but are driven to seek them out by observing our environment and not the bronze-age ancient texts of the land (the United States has adopted its ancient texts of someone else's land). Can you believe the guile? The idea that the universe is not centered around us; the idea that we are in the spiral arm of a not so special galaxy in a sea of galaxies; the idea that there is no one there to smote our bad guys for us, kiss our boo-boos, and tuck us in at night so the bed bugs wont bite. What gall!

When I was a Christian, I used to think atheists were angry because they didn't have Christ's love in their hearts. Once free to think as I please, I developed the theory that atheists are angry because they feel they are surrounded by MORONS. This, I realized, is a very human thing to do, and since we are all mammals*, I began looking for a natural explanation. Here it is:

The person who most embodies righteous certitude is YOU.
The person who most embodies pompous arrogance is the OTHER GUY.

Think about our tribal and self centered nature. When was the last time you went to a football game, and felt bad when the opposing team was blocked by your team? When did you ever say, "Good for them!" when the opposing team out foxed your team? In the last instance, you probably had images in your head of kicking in the teeth of the other teams head coach. No doubt, a majority of fans on the other side of the stadium had similar fantasies about your team.

When was the last time you exploded in a fit of road-rage, all the while knowing it was your fault the guy next you swerved? NEVER! It's never your fault, It's always their fault!

What makes your religion the correct religion doesn't really have much to do with the facts as you see them or the tingling in your spine or the image of Mother Mary in your Cream of Wheat. The biggest factor determining your religion to be the correct religion is the fact that its YOU who believes it. And as we all know, YOU are incapable of making mistakes; another interesting behavior we humans are quite good at; always being right. Im doing it right now, and so are you.
The problem is, some ideas are indeed right and some ideas are flat out wrong. If every supporter of a wrong idea immediately switched to the correct idea as soon as new evidence to support it emerged, there would be far fewer proponents of wrong outdated ideas. As smart as we are, we as a culture aren't quite smart enough to readily identify, re-evaluate, and abandon obsolete ideas and practices in favor of new ones. We cling to our old vestiges with the hope that we will indeed triumph over the "new comers" and continue to do as we have always done...

A paradigm shift occurs only when the perpetuators of the old ways die out. The Pope didn't officially acknowledge Galileo's observation that the earth orbited sun until 1992. Old habits die hard.

* If you don't think you are a mammal, ask of your species, "Do we have hair? Are we warm blooded? Do we give birth to live young? Do we have tits?" Hopefully the answer to all these questions is "yes"  In which case, congratulations! You're a mammal. (if "no", you are either a resident of Australia, or you should consider moving there, as your government will likely be very interested in you).


  1. thank you, I do feel 'surrounded by MORONS', their supposed care and love for other people seems non-existent, their hatred for others who are unlike them (not just atheists) is hypocritical, and their illogical thinking is potentially harmful. The outlook of many of my peers and often my superiors, is that i'm mean and arrogant for thinking there is no god. So do I not have every right to feel angry?

    Some theists seem to believe that denying existence of a god is saying 'I am God'. There are no stereotypes of arrogance for fundamentalist Christians who are often much more assertive in their beliefs than atheists. Is it not arrogant to think that you're at the centre of the universe and are forever watched by an omniscient being you cares how you behave?

    Although, I will admit to smugness

  2. Thanks for reading! And may the god of your parents' religion kiss your boo boos!

    Your last statement makes me think of something I heard Richard Dawkins say. He was quoting someone who's name escapes me. I'm paraphrasing: "a friend asked me why, as an atheist, it didn't bother me to say a Latin blessing in church. I replied, "Though I will not utter lies, I will however gladly utter giberish."

  3. Thanks, keep the interesting posts coming! got anything on the free will/determinism debate?

  4. RedRabbitter- Free will/Determinism are fields of thinking that I honestly have not dived into. From my surface knowledge, I support determinism, but I do not focus much energy into trying to explain why things end up the way they do. I think 'why' isn't always an appropriate question, as it can sometimes beg meaning when meaning isn't there. I may just do some reading and educate myself on the topic. Then maybe I'll post some thoughts on it just for you! See what kind of special treatment you get when you're my only follower?!

  5. Trolololololololololololololololololololololololololololoololololololololooolloloooooololoollololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololo... trolllololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololo

  6. Atheists are hilarious lol if we evolved from monkeys, why are there still monkeys? And why don't monkeys transform into humans anymore? Lmao

    According to science we have like 2% difference in our DNA to monkeys, does that mean we came from monkeys? Obviously not. Well, atheists are stupid and believe anything science tells them, even though science is wrong half of the time and disproves itself most of the time.

    1. I like your point, If we did evolve from monkeys atheism would be stupid. But the only stupid person in this conversation is you. If you had been intelligent enough to learn what evolution actually said, then you would realize that it actually stated that we evolved from a common ancestor of ourselves and monkeys. Does your mom give birth to your cousins? The answer to that is the same as why monkeys don't give birth to people.